What do you do when you're waiting for a win?

I started this blog post early December when life felt as if a win would never come. Dread and disappointment showed up in ways I never had wanted. Fret and worry arrived as we were braving new Christmas traditions without my sweet Momma, disappointment came from a once hopeful program acceptance and exhaustion was invited by an overloaded [and over committed] schedule.

At that point, I couldn't win for losing.

It seemed as if it was one thing after another. I couldn't see through the waves of exhaustion and felt a little let down by God as I had to let go of the plans that I had helped dream up. I wrestled with God as I recited His Words in my head, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. " from Jeremiah 29:11.

Lord, you promise, I cried.

And silence, I received.

I'll tell you that God didn't magically or mysteriously speak to me or send me a divine sign saying that everything would be OK, but I was reminded of a couple things as I searched and prayed for answers.

Be brave! Replace the lies with truth. I had to call out the lies and disappointment. Once I acknowledged it, I could then replace it with a positive and truthful statement. Instead of believing that all of my life plans and future holidays were doomed, I chose to find gratitude in what I could see. Lord, thank you that my Dad and brothers will get to spend the holidays in California with me. Thank you for a job that I love; thank you for friends and for the means to afford the dinners and events to celebrate with them. When I changed my focus, it helped change my attitude which in turn changed my heart.
Take Him at His Word. God's Word is true! There are many promises in the Bible that were true for the people of that time and are still true for us today. The Lord told Joshua, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." and the same promise is true in my life.
Enlist the support of my closest friends and family. Sometimes we need those closest to remind us of what God has done in our lives and the prayers He has answered. The #smallvictories, the big victories and the miracles. My girlfriends and family helped me to recall a few times that God specifically showed up in my life in a way that could not otherwise be explained. I needed to be reminded of what He had done for me in the past.
Trust His timing. As we talked about our victories and saving grace, it reminded me that God's timing has always been the best timing in my life. Whether I agreed or not, I can now see a track record in my life where God's timing was better than my own. The heart wrenching break-ups, unfulfilled job offers, and closed doors seemed awful at the time (and they were!) but what resulted of the "no" or "not right now" has proved better for me now. I chose again to trust in God's timing and trust that He would work everything for my good even though it didn't feel like it.

Jeremiah 29 goes on to say, "When you call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord."

Things haven't changed much since the beginning of my December blog post--the holidays turned out to be incredible with my Dad and brothers and schedules have slowed down some, but I'm still waiting for God to write the next chapter for the program acceptance and career opportunities. I'm waiting with the hope and reminder that God is true to His promises and that He knows what is best for my future and those that I love.

If you're curious to know what God has been doing in my life, check out the Oh, Monday! and Oh, Monday! #2 blog posts. He's at work alright. What about you? Are you still waiting for a win?

xoxo
Jes

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:5-6