Friendship Brings...

Editor’s Note: I originally drafted this in June 2016 a month after one of my childhood best friends had unexpectedly passed away. It was such a big and hard season of my life because my Mom had passed away the year before, my Papaw a few months before, and a Marine shortly after. I am so grateful to the Lord that in whatever season I have been in, He has generously and graciously given me friends both back then and now in 2022.

Love. Laughter. Silliness. Memories and Morale Support. Teammates. Secret Keepers. Story Tellers. 

Joe’s Crab Shack Summer 2015

Last month, I gave a eulogy at one of my childhood best friend's funerals. As I never imagined I'd have to do that at this age, it's been something that has truly stretch the depth of my heart. 

As I stood in front of a fairly familiar crowd, I share that it was only for the Hope of Heaven that I say such words with love, confidence and compassion. I had the opportunity to honor my sweet friend and her family and share a small piece of the tender hope in my heart. 

I spoke of the love and laughter, the babies, weddings, weekends; the "hey y'alls" and happies, the adventures, hopes and dreams we had shared. 

Never in our thirty years, did we ever utter a word about life being so short. We simply lived out the day to day of our lives. 

Life is a gift. Friendship is a blessing. And as my Aunt Deb says, "Life is for the living."  

I truly believe that God shares His love through friendship. He so graciously weaves the threads of our lives together to create His grandios and glorious plan. As we walk through life, I believe that He reveals His love, grace, mercy, comfort and compassion through those around us - especially our friends and family. 

Whether it's a friend we were born with or one we see everyday, every year, or every other occasion, those people are special to us and hold sweet spots in our hearts. 

Sometimes friendships hurt and other times disappoint us, but I believe that even with the occasional heartaches of relationships and friendships with imperfect people, life is better together.  I’ve disappointment, let down, and fell short in my friendships. I’m learning to ask for forgiveness when I fall short, communicate expectations, love well, and simply be there when my friends need me.

As nearly six years have passed since I first gave that grieving speech, I think about the other friendships I’ve had in my life. My book club San Diego friends, my work friends, my Bible Study gals, my Supper Club friends, my mama friends, my church friends and family, my military friends, and my Arkansas girls. The Lord has been gracious in giving me friends in every season.

I’ve also learned to pray and ask the Lord to bring me friends. When my husband and I moved to a new city, we began praying for friends months before our move. We knew we were leaving some of the best of friends, and knowing how important they were to us, we asked the Lord to send new ones. He graciously introduced us to our neighbors who quickly became our friends who are family away from family.

If your heart is aching for a friendship, ask the Lord! Ask Him to give you courage to reach out to a potential friend, and say “Hi!” in the carpool lane or at the gym. Invite a neighbor over for dinner or someone out for coffee, join a book club or running group and show up to the meetings; volunteer in your community, say hello to the mama at the playground. It’s the littlest steps in starting or asking that makes a difference. Once you make the introduction, check in, ask how your can help, become reliable, keeping inviting, and be generous with your time and resources. God will honor your heart!

xoxo
Jes

“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.” Proverbs 27:9

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:8-10

A Lesson in Comparison

This post originally appeared on The COURAGEOUS & KIND Project blog.

As I was scrolling through social media a couple months ago, I came upon a super cute announcement of good news from a distant friend. I thought to myself— She is so lucky! I would love to be in her shoes —as I was doing a mindless mental assessment of everything going on in my life.

I “liked” her post and a quick comparison of our lives flew  across my radar as I was onto the next one. I even said a quick silent prayer of gratitude thanking God for everyone and everything in my life.

And, that’s how the sneakiness of comparison, discontentment, and dissatisfaction can be. It begins slithering into our hearts and lives without even realizing it! We scroll, we look, we want, we assess, and without  really knowing it, we’re chipping away at our own hearts.

By all standards (my own and the world’s!) I have an incredibly blessed and abundantly overflowing life. I’ll be the first to tell you that anytime of the day.

The problems begin to arise when I’m scrolling. Swipe by swipe, like by like, that narrative can begin to change fairly fast. All of a sudden, my cute new shoes aren’t as cute without the new purse to go with it. My amazing vacation to the mountains wasn’t quite enough after seeing the white sandy beaches. My volunteer position isn’t quite as great as her executive spot. My recently remodeled house now needs new subway tile, my thighs need to be slimmer, and my hair blonder. It’s maddening! And, we’re willingly doing it to ourselves!

What I’ve learned most from social media is that we can’t take everything for face value on Facebook, Instagram, or even Pinterest. (Remind me to tell you about the time I learned that Martha Stewart had a whole team to help her bake that beautifully perfect bake and make those incredibly designed party decorations!) There’s so much more to the story.

God has uniquely written each of our individual stories. He’s handcrafted us to be each our own and display His glory like no one else can. Simply put, no one can live your life story, but you! When we try to live someone else’s narrative, we’re only committing treason against ourselves. We will fall short with disappointment every time because we weren’t made for her story.

The gifts, time, treasures, resources, and talents that she may have also come with great responsibility. Responsibility that we’re not always equipped to have. When we want someone else’s good, we also have to take the bad too.

That distant friend had later posted about something tragic and unexpected destroying her once good news. Did I still want what she had? No! Of course not. She was enduring an uncontrollable and unexplained loss.

The conviction of the Holy Spirit got my attention real fast.

That still small voice inside my heart prompted me to pause and ask the Lord to forgive me for wanting what she had. The discontentment of half-truths and the envy of better blessings had stolen a piece of my heart in the sneakiest of ways. Had I not seen her updated post, I would have marched on with life and gave a piece of my heart away without hesitation.

Why was it that I only wanted her good? Why did the bad never cross my mind?

Call it optimism or confident thinking, but at the heart of it, it was envy.

Envy created discontentment and dissatisfaction. Discontentment stole a piece of my heart. Dissatisfaction took my gift of full gratefulness. Two things we can’t stand to keep around if we’re committed to living out God’s best for our lives.

If you are the friend enduring the hurt, God has written your story too. Whether the bad was caused by you or caused to you, our heavenly Father still has a great narrative for your life (Romans 8:28). He created you to share His love and bring Him glory. He is a God who heals, helps, restores, revives, forgives, and loves deeply. Ask Him to reveal His heart and help for you in this season through the truths of scripture. The Bible has lots to say on healing, hurt, and restoration; as it does on envy, greed, and discontentment.

Next time that friends gets a blessing, let her keep it. Praise God for it! Praise God for her and the story He’s written for you both. The Lord has something unique in store for all of us. He’s an abundant God who can’t ever run out of the good gifts of love, joy, peace, healing, hope and forgiveness. Let’s commit to “liking” the great narrative that God has written for us.

We’d love to hear from you! What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you have boundaries to help prevent discontentment or dissatisfaction creep into your heart? How do you count your blessings? How can you be a friend to the one hurting?

Xoxo
Jes

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” Colossians 3:12-15 (NIV)

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.” 1 Timothy 6:6-7 (NIV)

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones” Proverbs 14:30 (NIV)

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (NIV)

When Words Fail Us

This post originally appeared on The COURAGEOUS & KIND Project blog.

“The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”
James 5:16b

A friend of mine recently went through a hard season of loss and grief. There weren’t words to comfort her heartache and the feelings of disappointment with the Lord. What was a season of joy, happiness, and excitement quickly became a season of loss, disappointment, and grief. What do you say to that? How can we possibly find the right words?

Everything I thought to say suddenly felt impersonal. I knew she needed words of faith and encouragement, but it was hard to find the right ones. I knew God was good. I knew He had been good to me during my deepest and darkest hurts and I wanted to share that with her. I knew she was going to make it through this and that God would be her answer.

I was sure of His promises in the Bible and I had the Scripture, God’s own Words, to back it up. I had [have] faith in God and had experienced everything I wanted to say. God had been so faithful to heal my broken heart. He had been the Source of my comfort, hope, healing, peace, and forgiveness as the days went on. But how do I tell her that?

For right now, God felt impersonal to her. Why, God? Why would you allow her joy to turn into such heartache? Why would you take away a gift that you so greatly gave her? Why, Lord? How could you?

Our attempts at making sense of it all left us emptier than when we started. Pseudo-comforting phrases like time heals all wounds, everything happens for a reason,  they’re looking down from heaven, and God doesn’t give you more than you can handle stung. Of course they were said with well meaning, but felt impersonal and almost harsh.

As I begged God for words to say, nothing came. I found a faint whisper of the Holy Spirit in my heart say, “Not why, but who.” Tears rolled down my cheeks as reality quickly surfaced: the “why” may never get answered. We may never ever know why this happened to my friend. We may never understand or even begin to make sense of why God allowed something so tragic.

The Lord has taught me over and over again throughout my heartaches, trials, and disappointments that He is a faithful God and He is who He claims to be in the Bible. He is our ultimate Source of comfort and hope (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). He promises eternal life (John 3:16-17). He will work everything out for good according to His purpose(Romans 8:28). God hears our prayers (Jeremiah 29:12).  His ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). God has our best at heart (Jeremiah 29:11).

When our words don’t measure up, I think we pray.  We don’t always need to have words to say. Sometimes we simply need to be there. We need to acknowledge the pain and mourn. We don’t need to try to make it better. We simply need to use our gift of prayer as Christians.

Through the Holy Spirit, prayer is our direct access to God where we can be honest with Him. (Jesus Christ gave us this access to the Lord when He died on the cross (Hebrews 10:19-22)). God is the Creator of the Universe and the Source of all comfort in hope and healing. God can handle our biggest upsets, painful hurts, and deepest disappointments. He is big enough and strong enough to hear how unfair or mean He may feel. He is our heavenly Father who loves us and cares for us, just as He loves and cares for my friend in her hurt.

So what did I do? I prayed for her. I sent her some 3x5 cards with scriptures that were comforting to me when my heart ached with grief. I checked on her and asked if there was anything I could do.

Was it enough? I sure hope so. I wanted to gently and kindly share God’s love by encouraging and loving her as a friend could. I couldn’t change things, nor could I make them better, but I could be a listening ear and a dose of gentle compassion and love.

What about you? What things have been most comforting during your time of loss? Please share as we work to build a community of God’s love.

xoxo
Jes

“And so, dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven’s Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. By his death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place. And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God’s house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.” Hebrews 10:19-23 (NLT)

“The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16b (NLT)

COURAGEOUS & KIND

Last year, I wrote about my Summer Sabbatical and the “ache” it took for my heart to slow down to a new pace of life. In the midst of a new season of life, I begged God to give it worth. From big leadership roles and responsibilities in my old city to unpacking boxes and front porch sitting in the new one, it all felt unfamiliar and at times, a little less than.

Although I had found tremendous satisfaction in making a difference, I had also began defining myself by what I was doing. I hadn’t given enough value to who I was and gave way too much to what I was doing. Moving and slowing down meant new priorities, new perspective, and a great desire to find value in the new and where I was.

Just like in California, I started my days with a few minutes of prayer. My sweet guy affectionately calls this my “quite time” where I grab a big mug of hot tea and my Bible to take a few minutes to read, reflect, and pray. I found the days that I didn’t have my quiet time, I’d chase tasks and “to-do” lists searching for fulfillment. Yes, I could fill the time and accomplish tasks, but it still left me feeling slightly unaccomplished and empty at the end of the day.

I knew that I was a child of God and by being made in His Image (Imago Dei) gave me inherent worth and value, but I couldn’t understand why finding it was so hard. I still had great career aspirations as I unpacked boxes and searched for jobs. I still had big dreams and desires as I sipped sweet tea on the front porch. Where were they, Lord? I sometimes wondered.

As hindsight is always 20/20, I can see now that God was lining up everything so perfectly in His timing. I needed the extra time in my schedule to dream, design, and create. I needed to be reminded that small things mattered. I needed the extra time with my family. I needed to figure out what I really wanted to do. I needed to seek God for direction and purpose.

Finally in the Fall, an idea hit. All of the desires in my heart finally surfaced where I could put words around what I wanted to do. They quickly summed up to this: I wanted to start a women’s digital magazine that was Bible-based where real women told real stories and gave real godly advice. Something that wasn’t photoshopped or fixed to only show the pretty things in life. No slant, nothing fake, not completely perfect or polished, but authentic and transparent.

I dreamed up the plans (aka: wrote the business plan, designed the website, and rallied some help!) and began cashing in favors with my girlfriends. They were in!

The idea came to be called, “The COURAGEOUS & KIND Project”. Two words that no matter their faith-base, any woman could all get behind; and two things that every woman wants to be. Courageous to overcome fears and failures and kind to to one another and ourselves.

With the help of twenty-two women, we just published our first edition of the COURAGEOUS & KIND magazine. We’re working on a podcast and video library where we’ll feature dozens of women sharing their courageous and kind moments.

This project couldn’t be up my alley any more. As Founding Editor & CEO, it’s been a ton of work. I knew a startup and funding would have its challenges, as well as, video and podcast editing, and creating content. It’s come together slowly, but oh-so beautifully and I’m excited to share it with you!

I’m sure you’ll hear more about it on my blog. Please take a moment to check out our website at www.COURAGEOUSANDKIND.org and read our magazine. Sign up for our newsletter and share with us your favorite courageous and kind moment. Follow us on Instagram & Facebook @TheCOURAGEOUSANDKINDPROJECT.

xoxo
Jes

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” Lamentations 3:35-26

“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?” Isaiah 43:19a

Faithfulness in the Little

NOTE: This was originally drafted in July 18, 2018, but was never published due to a website glitch. Looking back today, it’s a fun to see where my heart was ten months ago.

Woohoo!! The moving truck has arrived! Boxes. Boxes. More boxes. Box cutters. Packing paper. Boxes and boxes for days. 

Since I'm enjoying a summer sabbatical (that's what I'm calling my unemployment) I'm the newest Property Manager of the Dyckman Family House. We just had our household goods and furniture delivered! We're also undergoing a small, surprise bathroom renovation due to a missed leaky faucet. I've been managing our contractors, service providers, and insurance agents for the past few weeks. I've also been trying to boss these boxes around and unpack so that we can settle in. 

As I've had more time on my hands now and no set schedule. I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do each day. I've gone for leading and serving for the past ten years to this quiet and unnoticed work. A job change like this can really make a girl go crazy. Where's my value and worth each day? What's purpose and plan? What am I accomplishing? Looking for the answers to these questions can be tough, especially when the internet guy has canceled on you three times.

I've found to really "fight" the questions (thoughts and emotions) of my worth and purpose, I've had to begin each day with some "quiet time". It's my front porch sitting time where I grab my favorite mug full of hot tea and my Bible to meet with Jesus. 

Meet with Jesus? Yep, I believe the Bible holds the holds truth and direction for my life. It really covers a variety of topics and still is relevant today as it was the thousand years ago when it was written. Today I'm struggling with purpose. What's my purpose. I'm doing a Bible study called "All Things New" looking at the Apostle Paul's writing in 2 Corinthians. They were people like us today. Paul reminds us of God's main purpose - to reconcile us back to Him. Meaning, He sent Jesus to call us home. 

When I have my quiet time in the mornings, I'm filled with a sense of purpose for the day. Without God's direction, I'm lost and spiraling back to the endless questions of worth and how, why, and what. From my quiet times, I'm learning that God has given me a season of rest. Rest from all of the busyness, rest from the fast pace of life (which I love!) and rest from the burden of go-go-go. All things I really love. I love to be busy and go and do, but I'm also learning to love the quiet and flexibility of the unscheduled. 

God is asking me to be right here. To let this little home, these big boxes and our neighbors be my platform of work. Will I get any Insta footage or recognition for all of this? No. Will I receive the lifetime achievement award? No. Is that hard to me to swallow? Yes. I love making a difference. I love doing something big and having an impact. I love it all. I love people and big work and projects. For now, I know that I'm called to taking it easy to serve and do where I am. 

Serve my husband by making this a home while he is away at his new job. Serve my neighbors by doing for them. As with just as much gusto and enthusiasm, I will. I'll keep job searching, keep writing, and keep being faithful in the little things. Because the little things matter. It's the little things that lead to big things. It's in the quiet that I find my worth and my purpose.  

It's the mama caring for her babies. It's the administrator who keeps the executive organized. It's the one who tends to the restrooms, serves the burgers, answers your call. It's also the big corner office and the Insta influencer. It's those things too, but what's most important is the foundation we're laying each day. Let's not overlook the small. That's where our character is being built.

Lord Jesus, help me to be faithful in the little things of the day. 

What's yours? Where are you faithful in the little? 

xoxo
Jes

"Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly - not for what you'll get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God." 1 Peter 5:2

“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much." Luke 16:10