Editor’s Note: I originally drafted this in June 2016 a month after one of my childhood best friends had unexpectedly passed away. It was such a big and hard season of my life because my Mom had passed away the year before, my Papaw a few months before, and a Marine shortly after. I am so grateful to the Lord that in whatever season I have been in, He has generously and graciously given me friends both back then and now in 2022.

Love. Laughter. Silliness. Memories and Morale Support. Teammates. Secret Keepers. Story Tellers.

Last month, I gave a eulogy at one of my childhood best friend's funerals. As I never imagined I'd have to do that at this age, it's been something that has truly stretch the depth of my heart.

As I stood in front of a fairly familiar crowd, I share that it was only for the Hope of Heaven that I say such words with love, confidence and compassion. I had the opportunity to honor my sweet friend and her family and share a small piece of the tender hope in my heart.

I spoke of the love and laughter, the babies, weddings, weekends; the "hey y'alls" and happies, the adventures, hopes and dreams we had shared.

Never in our thirty years, did we ever utter a word about life being so short. We simply lived out the day to day of our lives.

Life is a gift. Friendship is a blessing. And as my Aunt Deb says, "Life is for the living."

I truly believe that God shares His love through friendship. He so graciously weaves the threads of our lives together to create His grandios and glorious plan. As we walk through life, I believe that He reveals His love, grace, mercy, comfort and compassion through those around us - especially our friends and family.

Whether it's a friend we were born with or one we see everyday, every year, or every other occasion, those people are special to us and hold sweet spots in our hearts.

Sometimes friendships hurt and other times disappoint us, but I believe that even with the occasional heartaches of relationships and friendships with imperfect people, life is better together. I’ve disappointment, let down, and fell short in my friendships. I’m learning to ask for forgiveness when I fall short, communicate expectations, love well, and simply be there when my friends need me.

As nearly six years have passed since I first gave that grieving speech, I think about the other friendships I’ve had in my life. My book club San Diego friends, my work friends, my Bible Study gals, my Supper Club friends, my mama friends, my church friends and family, my military friends, and my Arkansas girls. The Lord has been gracious in giving me friends in every season.

I’ve also learned to pray and ask the Lord to bring me friends. When my husband and I moved to a new city, we began praying for friends months before our move. We knew we were leaving some of the best of friends, and knowing how important they were to us, we asked the Lord to send new ones. He graciously introduced us to our neighbors who quickly became our friends who are family away from family.

If your heart is aching for a friendship, ask the Lord! Ask Him to give you courage to reach out to a potential friend, and say “Hi!” in the carpool lane or at the gym. Invite a neighbor over for dinner or someone out for coffee, join a book club or running group and show up to the meetings; volunteer in your community, say hello to the mama at the playground. It’s the littlest steps in starting or asking that makes a difference. Once you make the introduction, check in, ask how your can help, become reliable, keeping inviting, and be generous with your time and resources. God will honor your heart!

xoxo
Jes

“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.” Proverbs 27:9

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:8-10

It's official. I'm calling it quits with perfectionism. Perfect(ism) and I have had a relationship go on just a little too long and it's finally time to break up.

As a first-born and big sister boss of two brothers, striving for perfection has been in my world many years. I've wanted things to go my way and be nice and tidy, and perfect as it should be. Cheerleading captain - check. High school honors - check. Full college scholarship - check. Study abroad - check. Cool first job - check. Cute guy - check. Adorable house near the beach - check. Perfection has been this elusive, ideal version of myself and my world that I've been constantly chasing for years, that is, until things didn't go the way I had planned. My white-picket fence, southern story-book life was turned upside down and has never quite been the same since. Yet, as much as I know life isn't perfect, I still want it to be.

As I want things to go the way I planned and had hoped them to be reality sets in again - my world, your world, our world and our people aren't perfect...and neither are we! So we get let down and disappointed, we burn the cookies, stain the dress, knock over the glass or miss the cue...and sometimes when those things don't go as planned our feelings get hurt and hearts get broken.

Each unperfect [marred] expectation leaves a little mark of disappointment, discouragement, and discontentment on my heart. It can easily end up hurting my relationships, friendships and teammates; my things (vacations, projects and parties), and my hopes and my dreams. When things don't turn out exactly how I wanted, I can find myself not enjoying the blessing of opportunity that I do have right in front of me.

We won't ever be perfect this side of heaven. We're banged up, fearfully and wonderfully made, imperfect people trying to be perfect, trying to make perfect and we are wearing ourselves out!

So in the break-up (and you're welcome to join me!), I'm learning to trade in perfection for excellence.

Whoa. What?

Hear me out: Excellence is a talent or quality that is unusually good and surpasses ordinary standards. Wikipedia goes on to say that excellence is a moving target that can be pursued with actions of integrity. Perfection on the other hand is something of absolute completeness and flawlessness, correct in every detail.

While I can't always do things perfectly every single time, but I can commit to doing them with excellence each time. Doing something extremely well, with integrity and my best might gives way for the opportunity to let my perfect, not-so-perfect expectations off the hook. With this perspective, it even leaves room for a little grace and celebration with and for our people. So things didn't go perfectly, BUT I gave it my very best and she did too. I did what I could to the best of my ability with great preparation and effort..and while that _______ didn't go quite as I had planned, it still was good. What's not to be proud of then?

So who's with me? May we strive for excellence over perfection and live a life of doing things well.

xoxo
Jes

“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.” Colossians‬ ‭3:23-24‬

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:8-11

Friendship Brings...

Breaking up with Perfection